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Love in BDSM

Updated: Apr 3


Love in BDSM
Love in BDSM

A unique bond like no other.


I'll start with a brief story. When I entered the lifestyle I threw myself in at the deep end, like most people. I was coming out of a 20 year relationship and was like a kid in a candy shop, all wide eyed and excited at my new found freedom .


I went from relationship to relationship and I picked up a greater understanding that each person has different needs and requirements. Whilst the principals I picked up quickly, I struggled with things like aftercare and check-ins . It all felt like a chore, an obligation I really didn't want to do and due to this I always ended relationships.


I later realised that it wasn't me, I just hadn't met the right person yet.


As we came out of lockdown friends told me that I have so much to offer and I deserved to be happy and in a relationship. I had recently lost my best friend and dad within a few months of each other and thought what do I have to lose?


I jumped on a BDSM dating app and after days of boring "hey daddy" conversations I logged in to delete my account when I received a clever witty message that changed my life.


Kaylie stood out from everyone I'd spoken to. We shared the same dark sense of humour and instantly I knew there was something different about our conversations.


I joked early into our conversations when she said "I don't want anything serious" and I replied " I'm sorry, but your going to fall in love with me" ballsy, but I knew we had something special. The issue was Kaylie had always separated Relationships and BDSM and was unsure how the two could exist together.


Everything was effortless and as days turned to months the bond between us was undeniably unique and special. I can honestly say I haven't felt this way about anyone before .


This got me thinking I see so many people jumping into relationships after relationships and they all end the same way. People just don't take the time to build foundations and put the time into nurturing something special. This made me question for most people in the lifestyle "Is there a place in BDSM for love?"


BDSM is often associated with elements of power exchange, control, and intense sensations. While these practices may seem to centre around physical and psychological dominance, there's a side to BDSM that goes beyond the surface.


In this article I ask is there a place for love within BDSM? I'll explore how the connection between partners in BDSM can be an unparalleled experience when love is involved.


Love in the BDSM Context


At first glance, love and BDSM might appear to be contrasting concepts. Love embodies tenderness, care, and nurturing, while BDSM can involve intense sensations, pain, and submission. However, many individuals who engage in BDSM practices assert that love can indeed coexist within this realm. In fact, for some, BDSM can enhance their emotional connection and deepen the bond between partners.


The Connection Like No Other


When love finds its way into the BDSM dynamic, the connection between partners takes on a unique quality. The intensity of the experiences shared during BDSM sessions creates a heightened level of trust and vulnerability. This trust forms the foundation for open communication and mutual understanding, which are crucial aspects of any loving relationship.


The Power of Trust


In BDSM, trust is paramount. The submissive partner places their trust in the dominant partner to ensure their physical and emotional well-being. This level of trust requires a deep emotional connection and when love is involved, that connection becomes even more profound. The dominant partner, in turn, holds the responsibility to care for and respect their submissive partner's limits, creating an environment of safety and security.


Exploring Boundaries


The BDSM community emphasises the importance of communication and negotiation before engaging in any activities. This communication extends beyond the physical aspects of play, partners discuss their desires, limits and boundaries openly. In a loving BDSM relationship, these conversations are infused with care and consideration for each other's emotional well-being. This creates a space where partners feel heard, understood and valued, leading to a more intimate connection.


Emotional Intimacy


Acts of domination and submission can trigger powerful emotional responses. When love is involved, these emotional responses are met with a deeper level of understanding. Partners who love each other can provide aftercare , a period of nurturing and comfort after a session which aids in emotional recovery. This process further strengthens their bond and showcases the unique emotional connection that love in BDSM can foster.


The unique dynamics of trust, communication, and emotional intimacy that BDSM demands align well with the principles of a loving relationship. When love finds its way into the world of BDSM, the connection between partners becomes an unparalleled experience, demonstrating that the intersection of these two seemingly disparate concepts can lead to a bond that is unlike anything one may have experienced before.


Have you been or are you in a loving BDSM relationship? Do you agree there's a deeper level of intimacy? Or do you prefer to keep the two separate, if so why?


Nicholas Jardine 05/09/2023




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