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Negotiating in a BDSM Relationship

Updated: Apr 3

What is Negotiating in a BDSM Relationship ?


A core principle of BDSM is negotiating with a prospective partner before anything happens. If that negotiation is done right, it's more like a collaboration toward a common goal , pleasure .

Negotiating in a BDSM Relationship
Negotiating in a BDSM Relationship


The ABCs of Negotiating in a BDSM Relationship


Hey there!


Todays about negotiating in a BDSM relationship.


It may not be the sexiest topic, but it's essential for a healthy and fulfilling journey.

So, grab yourself a moment to read and let’s dive in, shall we?


1. Safety First - You're in Charge


When it comes to BDSM, safety is key.

Take charge of your own well-being by learning about safety practices, whether it's proper rope tying or the use of impact toys. Don't rely solely on your partner to keep you safe. Knowledge is power, my friends!


2. Boundaries


Boundaries are the rules of the game, and they ensure everyone has a good time.

Talk openly with your partner about what you're comfortable with, what you want to explore, and what's off-limits. It's all about finding that sweet spot where pleasure and consent meet.


3. Hard Limits


No Means No! Just like a stubborn donkey, hard limits are a big fat "no go!”

These are the things you absolutely won't do, no matter how tempting they may seem.

Communicate your hard limits clearly to your partner, because respecting each other's boundaries is crucial for a positive BDSM experience.


4. Safe Words


Your Get-Out-of-Jail Card - Ah, the safe word!

Choose a word or phrase that stands out and use it if things get too intense or uncomfortable.

It's like a secret code for "stop, let's reassess." Don't be shy about using it; it's there to keep you safe and maintain trust between you and your partner.


5. Kinky Language 101


Decoding the Jargon

BDSM has its own unique vocabulary, and it can feel like learning a foreign language.

Take the time to discuss and understand the different words and phrases with your partner. That way, you'll avoid any miscommunication or accidental paddle-to-the-rear incidents.


6. All Roles Matter


Negotiation is Teamwork- Whether you're a dominant, submissive, or somewhere in between.

Remember that negotiations are a joint effort.


Everyone's desires, limits, and needs are equally important. The power dynamics might shift during play, but when it comes to negotiating, you're all on the same level.

It's about finding that balance and making sure everyone's happy.


7. Trust Your Gut


The Inner Voice Knows Sometimes, your gut instinct is your best guide.


If something feels off or your intuition is screaming at you, pay attention.

BDSM is all about trust, and that includes trusting yourself. Don't ignore any red flags—communication and consent should always be at the forefront.


8. Newbies and Bad Apples


Know Your Worth


In the vast sea of kink, you might encounter inexperienced partners or people with bad intentions.

If you find yourself in such a situation, remember that you deserve better.

Don't be afraid to say "no" and seek out someone who respects and values your well-being. Your journey should be built on trust and mutual happiness.


9. Mutual Bliss


Working Together for Joy Ultimately, BDSM is about exploring mutual happiness and fulfilment. Both partners should strive to create an environment where everyone's needs are met and pleasure is shared.


Through open communication, respect, and understanding, you'll embark on a journey that's bound to leave you smiling.


So, that’s my take on things to think about when negotiating either as a newbie, for a new dynamic or in your current dynamic.


Remember Always Be Communicating! It's the foundation for a consensual, safe, sane and exhilarating experience.


Happy negotiating


P.S - If you’ve got any you’d like to add please do


Kaylie Louise Bond 02/05/2023 ©