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When BDSM isn't BDSM.

Updated: Apr 3

What do I mean when BDSM isn't BDSM?


There's a trend of acceptance within the community to new dynamics that don't have a BDSM element.

BDSM Umbrella
When BDSM isn't BDSM

The BDSM community has long been a haven for people seeking to explore their desires, embrace their identities and engage in consensual power dynamics.


However, in recent times, a growing trend has sparked discussions within the community about the inclusion of new dynamics that may not adhere to the traditional BDSM principles. So when BDSM isn't BDSM ? One such dynamic that has generated debate is Daddy Dom/little girl (DDLG). I feel I can write about this dynamic because I have previously been in a DDLG relationship. While some argue that expanding the umbrella is essential for inclusivity, others are concerned that it dilutes the core principles of BDSM. In this article we'll look into the intricacies of this trend, focusing on the implications of including non-BDSM dynamics like DDLG.


Understanding DDLG


DDLG, or Daddy Dom/little girl, is a role-playing dynamic that often involves age regression, where one partner takes on a childlike or "little" persona, and the other adopts a nurturing "Daddy" or "Mommy" role. This dynamic centres around emotional support, care and affection rather than the more explicit power exchange associated with traditional BDSM elements. The core appeal lies in the safe space it offers for participants to embrace vulnerability, escape from adult responsibilities and engage in nurturing interactions.


The Inclusion Debate


The discussion surrounding the inclusion of DDLG within the BDSM umbrella hinges on whether it aligns with the fundamental principles of BDSM. Traditional BDSM is characterised by power dynamics, domination, submission, and activities involving bondage and discipline. Some argue that DDLG lacks these core components and is thus not a true BDSM dynamic. Others, however, contend that BDSM is a spectrum that can encompass various power exchanges, including those that emphasise emotional rather than physical dominance.


The Impact on BDSM Principles


Critics of the expanding inclusivity within the BDSM community express concerns about the potential dilution of its core principles. They argue that by accommodating dynamics like DDLG, which may not necessarily involve explicit power exchanges or sadomasochistic activities, the community risks losing its distinct identity. This, they believe, could lead to misconceptions and misunderstanding from those outside the community and potentially blur the lines between different relationship dynamics.


BDSM Community

The Importance of Inclusivity


Proponents of inclusivity within the BDSM community emphasise the importance of embracing diverse desires and identities. They argue that the community should evolve to cater to the ever-changing landscape of human relationships and desires. By accommodating dynamics like DDLG, they maintain that the community can become a safe space for a broader range of individuals, fostering understanding, empathy and mutual respect.


Balancing Authenticity and Evolution


The balance between preserving the authenticity of BDSM principles and evolving to encompass new dynamics is a complex task. One approach is to differentiate between dynamics like DDLG that align with BDSM to varying degrees. Recognizing that not all DDLG relationships may involve explicit BDSM elements could help maintain the integrity of both the BDSM community and the unique dynamics it encompasses.


The influx of new dynamics, such as DDLG, into the BDSM community has ignited a compelling discussion about the core principles and evolving nature of BDSM. As the community expands to include a wider range of desires and relationships, striking a balance between inclusivity and maintaining the distinct identity of BDSM remains a challenge. The journey toward understanding and embracing these complexities requires ongoing dialogue and consideration from all corners of the community. Ultimately, it is this open and respectful conversation that will shape the future of BDSM and its intersections with various relationship dynamics.


So do you agree some inclusions shouldn't fall under the term "BDSM" or do you believe that we should be inclusive of various dynamics even if they don't have a BDSM element?


Nicholas Jardine 30/08/2023


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