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Vetting Questions.

Updated: Apr 3

What are Vetting Questions?

Vetting questions are questions you would asking during the process of meeting a potential new partner / playmate to see if they suit your needs and also vet out potential fakes.

Vetting Questions
Vetting Questions

Exploring the world of BDSM requires careful consideration and communication to ensure a safe and consensual experience for all parties involved. 

Here's a step-by-step guide to vetting potential partners, along with a list of example questions and the reasons behind them.:


Question: What are your primary desires and interests in exploring BDSM?

Reason: Understanding each other's motivations helps align expectations.

Open Communication

Question: How do you prefer to discuss boundaries and expectations openly?

 Reason: Establishing communication preferences promotes transparency.

Research and Education:

Question: What resources or educational materials have you explored to enhance your understanding of BDSM?

Reason: Demonstrates commitment to knowledge and safety.


Question: Can we discuss specific activities, limits, and preferences to ensure mutual satisfaction?

Reason: Establishing boundaries and preferences creates a consensual framework.

Experience and Skill Level:

Question: Can you share your experience and skill level in specific BDSM activities?

Reason: Understanding skill levels helps ensure compatibility in play.

Safewords and Signals:

Question: What safewords and non-verbal signals do you prefer for communication during play?

Reason: Clear communication tools are essential for maintaining safety and comfort.


Question: How do you approach aftercare, and what are your preferred aftercare activities?

Reason: Aligning aftercare preferences ensures emotional well-being post-play.

Health and Safety:

Question: Do you have any health concerns, allergies, or physical/mental health conditions that I should be aware of?

Reason: Prioritising health and safety by being informed about potential risks.

Consent and Boundaries:

Question: How do you prefer to obtain and respect consent throughout our dynamic?

Reason: Establishing a clear understanding of consent practices promotes trust.

Previous Experiences:

Question: Can you share your positive and negative experiences from previous BDSM dynamics?

Reason: Learning from past experiences helps navigate potential triggers and preferences.

Community References:

Question: Are there individuals within the BDSM community who can vouch for your reputation and behaviour?

Reason: Seeking community references adds an extra layer of trust verification.

Trust Building:

Question: How do you envision building and maintaining trust within our dynamic?

Reason: Understanding each other's approach to trust is crucial for a healthy BDSM relationship.

Limits Exploration:

Question: Are there specific activities or scenarios you're curious about exploring, and are there hard limits you want to establish?

Reason: Allows partners to discuss boundaries and potential areas of exploration.

Communication Styles:

Question: How do you prefer to address conflicts or misunderstandings within our dynamic?

Reason: Understanding communication styles enhances conflict resolution.

Remember, adapt these questions to your specific needs and preferences, and use them as a foundation for open and honest conversations with potential BDSM partners.

Nicholas Jardine 16/01/2024